Another BFN

Unfortunately we are out for the month. Like perfect clockwork my period arrived today. I woke up yesterday morning and knew instantly it was on it way. My breasts become tender as soon as I ovulate and it’s a sure way that I can tell I’ve ovulated. But 1-2 days before I get my period the tenderness completely goes away. Which was the first thing I noticed yesterday morning when I woke up.

I am really feeling this BFN this cycle. I feel completely down and have been in a bad mood all day. Snapping at everyone over the littlest things. I just really thought this was it, this was our month. And now that’s it for the year. Our donor goes away next week until January next year. And I ovulate mid January so cycle 5 is 8weeks away. I think it may go by quick as during that time we have our foster child’s 4th birthday, one of our anniversaries, Christmas, New Years, and Ts 30th (which a lot of family and friends from interstate are coming for). But even with all that I still feel deflated. I think I just need 24 hours and then I will be ok.

On Wednesday I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss fertility. I just want to make sure I am releasing an egg and as healthy as can be. I know we have only tried 4 times but for my mental health I would like to know everything is in working order.

For now that is all. I don’t know how much I will write over the next 8 weeks while we wait for the next cycle but I will try to at least write something.

Until next time.

E.

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Get to know me tag.

I thought I would do a get to know me tag as a way to 1. get to know me and 2. pass the time during this 2ww (3 more days until my period is due!).

So here goes…

  1. Zodiac sign? Libra.
  2. Age? 27.
  3. Do you have a middle name? Yes and its a VERY old name.
  4. How tall are you? Not very.
  5. Relationship status? Married or in legal terms De facto.
  6. How many piercings? 8.
  7. How many tattoos? 5.
  8. Siblings? I am the eldest of 3 girls (Fun Fact: Me and one of my sisters are the same age for 10 days of the year)
  9. Favourite season? Summer.
  10. Have you been out of the country? If so where? Yes, I have spent time in Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, South Africa (twice), Hawaii, Fiji, Vanuatu, and New Caledonia.
  11. Furthest you have ever travelled? Either Hawaii or South Africa.
  12. Favourite drink? Peach iced tea.
  13. Favourite food? In no particular order: Chicken, Cheese and Salt & Vinegar chips.
  14. What would you name your children? Not telling… yet! šŸ˜‰
  15. How many children do you want? 2 or 3.
  16. Favourite colour? Rainbow!
  17. What do you want to be when you grow up? A nurse/ midwife šŸ˜€
  18. Favourite holiday? Christmas.
  19. Favourite movie? I love so many movies but off the top of my head: Silver Linings Playbook and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
  20. Favourite TV show? I really like watching TV lol but some of my favourites would be: Xena, Call the Midwife, Reign, Girls, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, Wentworth and Sex and the City (But I really do love TV and love so many different shows).Ā 
  21. Favourite book series? Probably The Hunger Games (Fun Fact: I have never read Harry Potter and only saw the movies for the first time a year ago).
  22. Can you cook? Nooooo and its not even that I don’t like it! I would love to be able to cook but I am honestly so bad at it. I get bored so fast too.
  23. Do you prefer the beach, city or the wilderness? The beach!
  24. Cats or dogs? Cats (But I do love both! I just prefer cats).
  25. Whats one thing people don’t know about you? Well no one knows that I am currently trying to have a baby!

The dreaded 2ww…

So I am in that awful 2ww between ovulation and aunt flow showing up. I am trying so hard this cycle not to symptom spot but am failing quite miserably at it!

Some days I feel so confident that yep this is our month I am going to see those two pink lines on the pregnancy test. But then other days I don’t feel as confident. I doubt myself, I doubt our process, I doubt how many times we did it, I even doubt if we did it on the right days! Sometimes this whole process can really mess with your head.

Our donor goes away the first week of December for a whole month so we won’t be able to try again until January if it doesn’t work this month. I am 5 days away from aunt flow being due and I am just hoping and hoping that I get a positive pregnancy test.

Because I am terrible at not symptom spotting or worrying if we are pregnant or not I have decided that I need things to distract myself. So I am a few episodes into a show I found on Netflix called The 100, which I am pretty sure has been around for awhile and I am just behind times. I am also reading the Throne of Glass book series by Sarah J. Maas. I am on the second book and loving it (this book series has also been around for awhile and again I am behind times). I haven’t read a “real” book in ages. I am at school and for the last two years have only read textbooks but I am currently on end of year break so able to finally read all the real books! Oh wow, that did just help in distracting me!

Until next time,

E.

Cycle 4 & a Supermoon…

We are currently in cycle 4- 3 inseminations down with 1 more to go.

I am feeling really positive about this cycle, actually more positive then I have been throughout this whole process.

We have changed things up, tried new and different things.

Whats different about this cycle:

  • I started using pre seed.
  • I have been using a Lunette (Moon, Diva, etc) cup 20 mins after insemination.
  • I have been trying to stress less so have been doing meditation each day.
  • I am really focusing on and envisioning ourselves with a little baby.
  • I am seeing babies and pregnant women EVERYWHERE.
  • One of our inseminations was on the Supermoon night which I believe to be a good sign!
  • We will be doing more inseminations then usual.
  • We started inseminating earlier than normal.

I really hope that all these different things/ changes help me conceive this month. I would love to be able to tell my mum that I am having her first grandchild on Christmas Day. What a wonderful present it would be.

Well I am off to focus on conception. We have one more insemination to go and then we are done for this cycle.

Fingers and toes crossed!

E.

 

 

Anonymous or Known… That is the question!

I thought I would write a post about our experiences with picking our donor.

When we were first embarking on this journey I spent hours on the internet trying to find blogs, Youtube videos, chat room groups, anything really, about lesbian couples experiences in this topic and the whole TTC process. So I truly hope that if this blog is ever found by someone, who is going through what I was, then what I am about to write is helpful.

I have mentioned before that T and I ended up choosing a very good friend to be our donor (actually he is Ts best friend). But before we decided that we would ask him we had always thought we would choose an anonymous donor. Our thoughts were that T and I were the childs parents and we did not want a third party involved. When ever anyone asked us about having kids we would always rattle off some explanation about anonymous donors and how this fitted our image of what our family looked like (Side note: Why do people feel the need to ask lesbian couplesĀ quite intimate questions on donors? hmm.. curiosity?)

It wasn’t until early 2016 that T and I discussed the idea of having a known donor. We still knew that we would want to be the only parents in the childs life. But after fostering over the last two years we came to realise that our belief was that a child should know where they came from and should be given the opportunity to nurture a relationship. Now don’t get us wrong we still thinkĀ that having an anonymous donor is right for most lesbian couples but in our case it wasn’t. We came to realise that love and family came in so many different forms.

So a known donor it was but who would we ask? It had been decided very early in our relationship that I would carry our child. T wanted a child but could never imagine herself pregnant. This worked out well as I had always wanted to be pregnant! So our donor would have to be similar to T. Looks didn’t concern us too much but we wanted someone who shared the same humour and personality traits as T. We realised that the only person who did was her best friend!

One night over a few beers T blurted the big question out. Of course he had to speak to his boyfriend about it as we didn’t want anyone to feel left out as this was a major life changing decision for all parties involved.Ā Luckily it was a resounding yes and we decided that after some health checks and blood tests we would start TTC in August 2016.

We have spent about 9 months talking and talking and talking and talking this through. But we all agree on the outcome and agreement. Our agreement is this: T and I are the parents. We make all the parental decisions and the child lives full time with us. However, our donor and his boyfriend are apart of our family. The child will know that he is the donor. Our donor wants a friendship/ close bond with the child.And T and I are happy with this arrangement.Ā Our donor who is in his thirtiesĀ (Side note: I have just turned 27 and T is about to turn 30)Ā wants a child but doesn’t want the responsibility of full time parenting.

This isn’t something to go into lightly, especially with such close friends. But we have been so fortunate after three cycles that it hasn’t affected our friendship. Who knows what the future holds or how an actual baby may effect us all but for now I feel fortunate.

I was going to talk about how we decided to do at home inseminations but I might save that for another post.

Be kind to one and other.

Until next time,

E.

A very first post…

Hello! (note to self find out how people start blogs).

I don’t know if anyone will ever read this but I wanted to do something creative as well as express my thoughts and feelings.

My partner and I have embarked on the TTC journey. It’s exciting and scary all at the same time! We are currently on cycle three but have been unsuccessful so far (fingers crossed this is the cycle for us!)

I know there are many TTC and mummy blogs out there but our little difference is that we are a lesbian couple.

We are E and T and in December this year (2016) we will celebrate 5 years together. We currently live in the hot red desert of Australia.

In October 2013 we got “married.” I put it in quotations as here in Australia it is still illegal! Yes I know, it shocks me too! So as you can probably tell we did not legally get married but that didn’t stop us having a beautiful ceremony, and yes we both wore white dresses! It was a beautiful day and we were both so lucky to be surrounded by family and friends who love and accept us.

After our wedding we decided that it would be the right time for us to welcome children into our lives. We weren’t ready to start TTC but knew we wanted to open our hearts and home to children who need it the most. That’s when we became foster carers. After fostering for two years we have finally decided to have a baby of our own.

We made this decision at the beginning of 2016 but didn’t rush into anything as we had a trip to Hawaii planned (it was amazing and I highly recommend going). Once we returned home we decided to start TTC but first we needed a little something from a male! We seriously thought about the anonymous route but decided that fostering taught us that a child deserves to know where they came from. So a known donor would be the right choice for us. We decided to ask our very close friend. He discussed this with his boyfriend in private and we also discussed it as a group (many many many many times) making sure everyone was okay and involved. Our donor will not take on a parenting role but will have a relationship with the child and the child will know that he is the donor.

So in August 2016 we did our first at home donation. Although I haven’t fallen pregnant yet I feel confident that it will happen and I just need to be patient.

I guess this blog will be a way for me to document our journey and so others who are on similar paths can come along for the ride.

So that’s our story so far. It’s definitely not over yet!

Until next time,

E.